A Letter To My Daughter On the Cusp of Pre-teen Years
Before I know it, I'm going to have a teenager. If she's anything like I was, I'll be terrified. Maybe this letter will help guide her a little and maybe something will resonate for you and yours too
My daughter is fast approaching the double digits this year. My almost ten-year-old is already reeling from friend drama, school issues and big feelings. Her attitude is cranked to high already and if I’m honest, I’m feeling lost at sea without a compass on how to raise this pre-teen. This is entirely new for me. These years feel so precious; they’re the years that will distinguish our relationship for the future. I’m still working on my anger issues and hope that my learning will become some of her learning and it’ll help her during these formative years. Before I know it, she’ll be a teenager. Lord help me, those years will be difficult too but I was there once before and I’m not naive enough or stupid enough to think she’ll be the perfect, school lovin’, good grade gettin’, sport/club playin’, booze hatin', no-time-for-boys angel I wish she’d be. This is her life. Her path. Her choices. Her mistakes. But I do hope these help:
Popularity is overrated. Everyone knows your business and has something to say about it. If they don’t know your business, they want to know it and will talk to anyone about you to find out. Plus, there will always be rumours about you.
Sex always comes with a cost. No strings attached sex doesn’t exist. Someone or something will always get hurt or damaged from the act.
Your mind is just as precious as anything else in or on your body. Find someone you want to share both with.
Fake nothing; who you are as you are is absolutely enough.
Find friends of quality, not quantity. (See number 1.)
Never let a boy bully, pressure or force you into doing anything you don’t want to do. Your body, your rules. Abiding by that is way cooler than giving in to some dipshit kid.
If you’re going to drink alcohol, learn how to be responsible about it. Use a shot glass to measure. Stick to one booze; don’t mix. Decide beforehand how many drinks you’ll have. Only stay til 1:00am. (fun til one!) Nothing good happens after 1:00am.
There is little privacy in the world anymore. Everyone is taping something, even you if you give someone enough reason. Don’t give anyone a reason.
If you’re dating an older guy, it’s highly likely his girl friends won’t like you. There’s nothing you will be able to do about it so ignore them.
If you’re going to do something, do it right. Teenagers get lazy. Don’t be lazy.
Kill them with kindness. Treat everyone with kindness, even the bad eggs. Especially the bad eggs.
Ageing is a process denied to many. Embrace your skin, wrinkles and changes. Take care of it but don’t obsess over it.
You may not be the prettiest in school but you will be unique in your own way. Don’t compare.
Friends make everything in life better. Treat them like family.
Boyfriends will come and go. Don’t go boy crazy. Focus on yourself, school, work and friends then boys- in that order.
School is made better when you dip your toe in everything you can. Try the chess club, explore different classes, tryout for a sports team. Who knows where your talents lie?
Someone will always have something shitty to say about you. It’s not your business what they think of you so if someone tries to tell you what someone said, politely interrupt and tell them you don’t want to hear it. Then question why someone would tell you something so (potentially) hurtful.
Use your words. In conflict, in the classroom, on recess, at work; don’t say to anyone what you wouldn’t say to their face. No one trusts a gossip.
Take care of your body. Eat well but enjoy the treats. Drink lots of water but relish the milkshakes. Play sports. Go for walks. Live an 80/20 lifestyle.
Don’t smoke cigarettes. For the love of all things good, just don’t.
Don’t dress like a tramp.
Journal everyday. Even if you just write down what happened each day. Future you will thank you.
Reputations are hard to change. Be gentle with your own. Be true to you as much as you possibly can.
Remember that there’s always a little girl within you. Let her out to play once in awhile.
Laugh as much as possible as loudly as possible.
There’s likely more I could add but this will do for now. I’m always willing and open to hear what you’d add for your kids!