Happy Mother's Day...or Not.
Mother's Day can be a really hard day for the mothers who have less than ideal relationships with their mothers
I used to hate Mother’s Day. I hated the gushy posts people shared about their moms, their ‘best friends’. I hated the pictures of the wonderful moments they shared that day and every other day. I hated the loving cards in the drug store that never fit my own circumstances. I hated the blatant outpouring of love that showed the beautiful mother-daughter relationships I was so envious of. I was jealous. And underneath, hurt.
I wanted that.
I wanted to be able to post publicly about my mom. More, I wanted to be able to call my mom and wish her a genuine ‘Happy Mother’s Day.’
If you’ve been following along, you’ll know I come from a long line of deeply rooted generational trauma filled with alcoholism, abuse, neglect and more. You’ll also know that from age 12-37 I had a tumultuous relationship with my mom. It used to weigh heavy on my shoulders. I felt like people would judge me (because I was judging myself). I felt like something was wrong with me because I didn’t have this relationship that seemed to come so easily for some people. I felt like I failed in some primitive way, that the line of matriarchal women in my life depended on me and I was letting them down. I could feel my family’s pain, my mom’s included. I’ve always felt that it was up to me to change something in our family. However, at one point, it was our normal to not speak for months, to text a generic ‘Happy Mother’s Day’, to live our separate lives sprinkled with occasional visits. So I knew to prepare myself for Mother’s Day by avoiding social media and focusing on my own family.
It’s only been in the last couple years that we have healed and our relationship has flourished.
I won’t drone on about the past because it’s just that; the unchangeable past. I just want to tell you I see you. I see you if you’re a mom who comes from ‘an unnatural mother’ (as my Auntie so aptly described my own grandmother). I see you if you’re still struggling with the generational trauma that’s affected you in ways you know and don’t know. I see you if you’re in a thriving, happy mother-daughter relationship, regardless of when that relationship became that way. I see you if your mother is transitioned back to the Cosmos or has been absent from your beautiful life. I see you if you long for a relationship to be proud of. I see you if your arms are empty but your heart longs to hear a ‘Happy Mother’s Day.’ I see you if Mother’s Day is like rubbing salt in an open wound. I see you if you Mother’s Day hurts or aches or makes you angry. You’re not alone in any of it.
Truthfully, Mother’s Day is arbitrary. Every day mothers are sacrificing so much of themselves for the people they love. We clean, clothe, feed, water, play, drive, cook, coach, work, teach, hug, discipline, advise, snuggle, watch, witness, bake, buy, bathe and more! It’s nice to be acknowledged for it one day a year but really, mothers should be celebrated every day. We are the birthers of Life, the engine that runs humanity, the love that makes the world go ‘round. Happy Mother’s Day to you if you want to accept it…or not.