Healing With Kambo Part One: Falling In Love

The next stop on my path of healing was Kambo, a jungle plant medicine that had many documented benefits

I finally did Kambo. It had been on my radar for a long time because one of my soul sisters had done it a few times and I was fascinated, to say the least. The opportunity never presented itself until the Universe aligned and I found a man named Chris through another new friend right here in Saskatoon. Chris owns and operates Healing Spirits Kambo and I was ecstatic to find him. I called him towards the end of 2021 to inquire about a ceremony but forgetting I was nursing at the time, I wasn’t able to participate. Fast forward to March 22, 2023- I was on the bike at the gym and I thought, “now is the time.” I text him, “What are the chances you have space to do a two day ceremony for me tomorrow and Friday?” He wrote back that he would let me know. I waited with a mixture of fear, excitement, trepidation and angst. What would happen? How would I react? Was I ready to face whatever would surface? Could I look my pain in the eye and walk away unscathed? Could I finally surrender to something out of my control?

My main purpose for trying Kambo was to learn to surrender, to let go of control. I have a horrible time relinquishing control on a good day and when I’m on the precipice of an altered state, like when I did the psilocybin, I freak out and ruin the experience. I wanted to do an ayahuasca ceremony later this year so Kambo felt like a good first step towards surrender. If I could surrender to the Kambo medicine, surely I could surrender to Grandmother Aya.

I arrived at the retreat centre, a funky, comfortable studio where Chris had set up his altar. I placed the three crystals I brought with me upon it, sat down on a yoga mat and wrapped a blanket around me. I waited for him while he finished preparing his tools and we chatted. He explained to me that Kambo was a medicine from a type of tree frog found in the Amazon. “Kambo is a catalyst,” he said. This would be something he would tell me repeatedly. “It helps you get into the flow of the river. So many people are swimming up river, against the currents, and Kambo puts you in the flow. You have to do the work after but it’s a catalyst for change,” he told me.

Intention goes where energy flows

Chris told me it was incredibly important to have an intention. Setting the intention would help the medicine know what to do. “But it can’t be surface level like ‘I have a drinking problem’ or ‘I have depression.’ You have to get to the root of a problem,” he explained. We chatted for almost an hour before the root exposed itself and it wasn’t something I hadn’t heard from other healers/counsellors before: I had a serious lack of self love. It was the root for all my other sufferings: fear of what others think, judgments against myself and others, a lack of worthiness, a need to be busy to be valued, minimizing my role as a mother, constantly searching for validation from others; you know, all that shit that layers upon a person until we have our mental breakdowns.

He suggested I envision myself at different ages, specifically age 12 when my world imploded, and tell all those versions of myself how much I love her. I took a deep breath. “You can do this,” I thought.

One thing about Kambo (and many other plant medicines) is there is a strict protocol leading up to the ceremony. Luckily for me I had been following many of the diet rules prior but you also had to fast for ten hours prior to the ceremony and while discussing my intentions I had to drink 2L of water. Kambo is a purging medicine whether that’s top purging (vomiting), bottom purging (pooping), sweating, crying, shaking or maybe a combination of all or some. The belief is the purge is energetically releasing all that no longer serves you. Kambo is also different in that it’s not a hallucinogenic. My understanding is that it activates your nervous system and detoxes you on a cellular level.

Chris prayed over the medicine and myself. He used a tribal tobacco called Mapacho to blow over both of us as a form of protection and aid. I said a prayer for surrender, self love and whatever else needed to present itself to me for release and healing. We intuited that two gates (aka burns) were appropriate for my first ceremony. He explained step-by-step what he would do, what would happen and how the Kambo would likely feel and affect me. Then came the administering part. Truthfully, this part was the worst: He took a twig from the tree that the tree frog lives on, fired up the end until there was a bright red cherry and then quickly placed it against my calf. It’s quick but potent. He sterilized the gates and from there I repeatedly spat into a small, glass bowl. This is where the medicine meets your DNA before application. It’s like a handshake; they’re getting to know each other. Then he applied the medicine to each gate. He set a timer for twenty minutes. I sat up with my back against a wall, wrapped in my blanket with a bucket on one side of me and tissues on the other and waited.

Almost immediately I could feel the medicine working its way up my body. It was warm. It felt constricting too, like a snake had wrapped itself around my body and was squeezing me. Or maybe in nicer terms, it felt like a full body bear hug. It took effort to breathe so I was focusing on deep, slow breaths. The medicine hit my head. I had a slight panic: “Chris, can you move closer to me?” I asked him. He obliged. But then I remembered, “I am here to surrender. You are safe. You are okay. Surrrrrrrrender.” I relaxed my shoulders, leaned back into the wall, felt into the medicine. I noticed my cheeks were warm, my throat numb. However, feeling into those sensations was preventing me from the magic of the medicine so I took Chris’s advice: focus on past selves and love the shit out of her. I envisioned myself as a baby and said, “I love you” and continued through my life stopping at different ages of milestones, mistakes and accomplishments to say, “I love you!” It was so heartbreaking to face those hard moments but also so incredible to feel that unconditional love for myself, something I had reserved only for my children but I continued, "‘I love you! I LOVE you! I LOVE YOU!’ At one point I had a very clear vision of my mom pregnant with me. I interpreted this as a reminder that I am not only carrying my own traumas and pains but those of my mother, her mother, my great grandmother and likely many more ancestors in my lineage.

I felt a pride that I was stopping the generational trauma with me, committed to changing the past and the future simultaneously.

During these visions and connection to the medicine, I was throwing up. Every time I purged, Chris told me to thank the medicine: “Thank you medicine” which felt funny at first but lead to a deep respect. I was releasing the self doubt and self loathing that had donned my soul for far too long. While I was experiencing the medicine, Chris was singing over me, praying over me, blowing Mapacho to protect me and rattling instruments around my head. He really embodied the shamanic reverence required in this kind of healing. After twenty minutes, Chris removed the medicine, turned down the lights, laid a second blanket over me and left the room for another twenty minutes. Almost as soon as the medicine was removed, I came back to myself. It was like a switch, just on then off. Chris and I talked for a few minutes afterwards. He told me I was a warrior because I had sat with the medicine so well. At first he was worried I was trying to control the medicine because there was no release or purge at first but once I had told myself to surrender, true surrendering began.

I left feeling like the Kambo was a little lacklustre. I think I had visions of a life changing, immediate ‘a-ha’ moment (so typical of me!). Even though Chris had told me first time Kambo sessions were subtle like a greeting or a slap on the back, if you will, I had hopes something really extreme was going to happen. I got in my van and left. As I was driving, I thought, ‘wow, it’s so quiet in here’ before realizing the radio was off. I turned it on and Don’t Stop Believing by Journey was playing, my favourite song of all time! I felt like the Universe had given me a big hug and a simultaneous slap: don’t stop believing in the power of your healing, of the power of plant medicine, of the power of intentionality. Surrender, Kelsey! Two more songs followed: I Want You To Want Me by Cheap Trick, a song that will forever remind me of my mother and Bobcaygeon by The Tragically Hip, a song that reminds me of my husband, my friends, my hometown. Those songs reminded me that I have so many amazing people loving me and wanting to see me do and be my best. It was a sign from the Universe that loving myself was the next step towards doing and being my best. As I drove on, I felt excitement for the next ceremony.

Stay tuned for day two of my Kambo ceremony….