I Don’t Know You Any Other Way

Greetings from Mexico!

I knew the all inclusive, booze-in-your-face- everywhere vacation was going to challenge me. There’s booze in the lobby, the restaurants, the rooms, the airport. You’re bombarded with, “can I get you a drink?” And when there isn’t a drink in hand, it’s worse. Like a panther laying in wait to pounce, they’re ready to give you the best drink, er, I mean service they can.

It made me thirsty. I began wondering if giving up fourteen months of sobriety was worth it. I began bargaining with myself. I’ll just have a few. You’re on vacation, it’s okay. You can start over when you’re back in Canada. When in Rome…or Mexico!

I text one of my best friends who said, “remember your why.”

One of the people in our group is a man I’ve never met before. He’s the only person I didn’t know and he’s dating our friend Megan. On Sunday, we were talking about my sobriety and he asked why I didn’t drink. After giving him the short version of my why (or whys in my case) I said, “but you know, I used to think I was so funny as a drunk person but I realized I’m much funnier sober.” He looked at me and said, “I don’t know you any other way.”

He’s the first person I’ve met that won’t know meathead Kelsey. He won’t know the obnoxious side of me, the blackout i became. He won’t know the lightweight who drank like a heavyweight. The realization of this brought me immense pride and peace.

Suddenly, the cravings for a stiff drink ebbed. The jealousy I had over “missing out” waned. My why recalibrated itself and I added, “because I don’t want anyone else to see that side of me.”

The last 2 days have been wonderful. I’ve stopped trying to find a mocktail that’ll make me feel like I’m included in the party. The party is whatever I make it for myself.

I’m surrounded by gorgeous beaches, our amazing family and friends, in a country I’ve never been in. I’m happy with my sparkling water and my new “why.”